


The distance between us, it sharpens me like a knife

by strawberry_pills



Category: The Blacklist (US TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 07:01:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18463882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberry_pills/pseuds/strawberry_pills
Summary: They were standing in the middle of a private airstrip, the wind beating against their coats with fervor. He pulled his fedora lower almost covering his eyes—those eyes that used to look at her with such fondness and longing. Now it looked so cold and hollow. Her own betrayal reflecting back on her.





	The distance between us, it sharpens me like a knife

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from Fall Out Boy's song, Hold Me Tight or Don't.

 

 

“Why?”

It was the only thing that came out of his mouth out of all the questions running through his mind. Why? A simple word yet inflicted with so much weight and meaning.

They were standing in the middle of a private airstrip, the wind beating against their coats with fervor. He pulled his fedora lower almost covering his eyes—those eyes that used to look at her with such fondness and longing. Now it looked so cold and hollow. Her own betrayal reflecting back on her.

 

* * *

 

 

When Dembe told him the truth, a part of him wanted to stay in that goddamn prison and face the death penalty instead. Let the injection carrying the poison flow inside his veins and finally put him to rest. It was much easier and less painful than finding out that she betrayed him—again.

_I love you. That’s what I wanted to say. That’s what I wanted you to hear._

No. She didn’t. How could someone betray the person they love? Even with a thousand guns pointed at his face, Red would never do such a thing. He would rather die, as cliché as it sounds.

The worst part of it all was Dembe’s involvement. He understood why he had to keep this a secret from him but it didn’t made the sting of their betrayal any less painful.

First was Kate, and now Dembe. Liz has a way of turning in to her side the people closest to him. He really can’t trust anyone anymore, huh?

So here he stood. In a private airstrip, his jet about to depart in a few minutes. He needed to get away quickly from everything, needed to get away from her.

As he made the move towards his jet, he heard the screech of a car as it stops a few feet away from the hangar. Red knows it’s her, just knows it in the recesses of his broken heart, and the guilty look Dembe has only served to prove his speculation to be true. He wasn’t ready to confront her right now.

Damn it all to hell.

 

* * *

 

 

Liz was in the Post Office when the news of his escape broke out and she immediately asked Aram to track him but to no avail. Red had gone off the grid like he expertly does. She’d been pacing the hallway for half an hour waiting when she received a text from Dembe.

_He knows._

Liz immediately drove to the place where Aram had tracked the number Dembe used, not caring anymore of the countless traffic violations she broke. She needed to talk to him, to apologize, to set things right between them.

She found him there in the middle of the airstrip, behind him his jet sat idle with the engine quietly running.

Liz had planned everything she’s going to say to him as she was driving in her car but standing here now looking at him—angry and broken, Liz couldn’t even muster the strength to open her mouth. She betrayed him again and it nearly cost him his life this time. The lump of guilt on her throat felt so heavy it pushed down everything she wanted to say to him.

“I—I’m so sorry Red.” It was the only thing she could say right now.

Liz can’t remember the last time she ever said those words to him and actually meant it. That time with Sutton Ross was all an act to pry out the truth from him and it stung her even more to realized how much of a monster she had become since then.

_You have nothing to apologize for. Not to me, ever._

His words echoed inside her mind. This was the only thing Red said that wasn’t true. She had so much to apologize for.

“You’re sorry you betrayed me or you’re sorry I didn’t die in that prison?” He coldly stated. “Which one is it Elizabeth?” Liz visibly flinched at his tone but Red didn’t seem to care.

“For everything Red. I’m so sorry for everything. I never wanted to hurt you. I just—,” Liz swallowed again. The lump in her throat is getting bigger and heavier to swallow. “I just wanted more time.”

“And you got it Elizabeth. You got more time by taking mine.” A mirthless laugh escaped his lips. “If you wanted me dead, you could’ve just said so. You know I would die for you Elizabeth. I think I may have proven that countless of times.”

“No, Red! I never wanted that.”

“Then what do you want Elizabeth?’”

“The truth!” Liz nearly screamed. Tears were prickling her eyes and she’s fighting hard not to break down and cry. She’s so tired of it. The lies and secrets. Of losing people she cared about all because of her past and her association with the man standing in front of her now. “I deserve to know why you took my father’s identity. Why you came into my life! I knew about the suitcase, Red. About the bag of bones you fought so hard to keep a secret from me.”

“And yet you didn’t come to me. Instead, you went and formed a little investigation team with your half-sister.”

“Because you never tell me the entire truth! I’m tired of you feeding me scraps of information about my past, you trying to evade every question I have! I deserve to know this, Red. Why can’t you just tell me?”

“You know I was doing it for your protection. You knowing the truth would only put a target on your back. Look what happened to your precious husband.” He sneered.

Elizabeth wanted to slap him. “Don’t bring Tom into this. You have no right.”

“Your dead husband also doesn’t have any right to dip his hand into my secrets!” Red said seething. “Didn’t you know that he lied to you and stole your badge to get access into the FBI’s database? He was the one that got Nik Korpal and two other innocent people dead. Got you almost killed.” He almost choked on the last sentence. A vision of Liz in a pool of blood came barreling in his mind and Red fought so hard to push it away.

_Men like Tom don’t change._

It shouldn’t be a surprise anymore that Tom went behind her back again but to find out that he got Nik involved, that he stood there beside her as they lowered Nik’s coffin to the ground, Liz felt a bubble of anger rise above her chest.

“Hurts, doesn’t it?” Red said, seeming to sense her inner rage. “To find out the person you’d take a bullet for was behind the trigger all along.”

“Red—”

“Did you even mean it?” He cut her off. “What you said back there at the execution chamber?”

She couldn’t speak. It’s as if the lump in her throat earlier came back at full force choking all the words she wanted to say. Why was it so hard to say this now? To tell him that she loves him after all and she’s sorry for everything she did.

Liz hadn’t realized how long she was standing there just staring at him until Red spoke, his voice cold and detached, “I thought as much.”

“Red, wait, I’m—”

"My agreement with the FBI will continue, if that's what you're worried about. I owe that at least to Harold for standing up for me during the trial.” He cut her off again. Red couldn't bear to hear anymore what kind of excuse she's going to spew this time. He's had enough.

“Dammit Red! Let me—”

“In fact, I already have a name for you." He slowly walked towards her until he’s a few inches away from her.

Somehow, Liz knew what he’s about to say. Dread instantly filled her entire body and she had to clutch the sleeve of his coat for support. “No, Red please."

"The number one on the list,” he continued. “The final name.”

"Red don't do this, please," she pleaded. Tears were flowing freely on her face now and Red used his thumb to wipe some of it away.

"Me.” He removed her hand that was clutching the sleeve of his coat. “Good luck, Agent Keen.”

Red turned around and went inside the plane as Liz fell down kneeling on the cold pavement.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Woops.


End file.
